Mallrats 2:Xmass at the Mall
by Will R. Webb
Summary: Ts can't get a Xmass present for Brandi so he and Brodie go to the mall to get one . Along with a cameo by the Who. Note:This has no relation to the upcoming Mallrats 2 comic Mallrats 2:Die Hard in the Mall. Please read and Reveiw.


Mallrats 2: Xmass at the Mall  
  
Note: This is suppose to be the Xmass of 2000.  
  
We see the mall and here Brodie's voice. "Yo its me Brodie lots a things have   
happened since last time well besides what you were told. You see its been  
five or six maybe even seven years since that fatful day at the mall but lots of weird shit has happened since then. First NBC fired me because I swore too much please, anyway after that they hired Rene and she dumped me but hell that happened only four years ago. Shannen was just bailed out a mounth ago and is seeking phyceactric help you know cause he was raped in prision. Ts and Brandi have had a lovly marraige. Theres some more but I'd like to talk about something called Xmass why bother with it huh. Anyway this reminds me of this time when my cousin Walt came over for Xmass he was in the bathroom and my mom told me to get him because it was time to eat dinner. I walk in and I see walt Jerking off to a picture of my sister. I says to him 'Walt what kind of sicko are you?' and he says 'Hell Brodie its not like i'm really fucking her and your sister is really hot.' My cousin Walt is a screwed up guy." We cut to Opening credits.  
  
Ts's car parks into Brodie's parents' drive way and goes to knock the door. The door opens and we see a verry disoreinted Brodie. "Ts what the fuck in the name of The Who are you fucking doing here!?" "I need help." "Well come in."  
  
In Brodie's basement the two talk. "So you didn't buy Brandi a gift yet." As Brodie asks this Ts replys by saying: "Yes." "Your fucking screwed!" "Well Brodie I thought that..." "You want me to help you?" "Yes." "Ok I hve to get my neice a tickle me Moobey (like the tickle me Elmo for this story because I don't want to use the Elmo one)." "You know your not going to get one." "Yeah Ts well guess what it seems that you can't get Brandi a decent gift." "Your right but we have to do something." "The fucking mall!" (Note: When Brodie says The fucking mall its supose to be like when he says it in the origanal Mallrats) "Yep." As Ts says this they go off to the mall in Ts's car.  
  
We see Ts and Brodie (Dixie cup in hand) went into the mall then they see a fimilar face. "Willam hows it going and why are you dressed as santa." "Well Brodie its like this see that chick over there." Willam points to the woman. "Yeah the chick with big tits." "Well I really wanna go out with her but guess what she has a Santa fetish." "I consider that odd." Then Willam reacts to Ts's statement. "Thats easy for you to say Ts but me i'm single. Anyway the only Santa job open was charity Santa." As Willam says this Ts says: "So?" "Look at that guy." Willam points to the mall Santa as Ts says again: "So?" "Well he gets paid, he sits on a chair and has better hours than I do I wish I could kick his ASS!" Then Brodie says: "Calm down Baby Huey that chick will like you." "Really." "Would I Brodie lie?" Then Brodie and Ts sneak off to lingerie section.  
  
"You know Ts I don't think Brandi would like lingerie for a christmass gift." "Well i'm just covering my ground this is the closest shop." Also it seemed like the most vacant as well it looked like there was nothing there when Ts saw one little number (i'm just useing a sentance that I probobly never says). He goes to get it when a lady tugs it. Then a tug of war till it rips. "Ts want a cookie first." "Ok." And so are two heros go off to the Cookie Stand.  
  
On there way to the cookie stand they see a old woman being robed and then a Mall Security Guard. "Sir stop it right there." As the Guard says this he puts his foot up to the theif's face like in a Van Dam film but is then the Security Guard gets hit in the crouch by the theif. Then there lying on the floor of the mall the Guard is then kicked several times by the old lady. "Usless peice of shit!" Says the lady as she goes off as Ts and Brodie go to the guy. "Could you get me up?" "Wait Ts I know this guy he is Kev McKick you know the guy who wet his pants climbing the rope in gym class (in high shcool)." "Oh yeah." Then they start laughing as Kev gets up. "Stop that I am now a man of authority." "Oh really and my name isn't Brodie Bruce." "Well geuss what, La Fours quit." As he says this Ts says: "Why?" "Because he got a job deal from the local Police Department." "So that means your the high Security Guard." "Thats right Mr. Bruce." He then goes and sees two kids skate boarding in the mall. "Hey you kids no skate boarding in the mall!" As he says this he runs after the kids and are two heros (Ts and Brodie) go on there way to the cookie stand.  
  
They go to the cookie stand and start eating then Brodie starts talking. "What was the better Who album Who's Next or Tommy?" "Easy Tommy becuase its about a person over coming a disability to play pin ball." "Oh please Ts Who's Next was a step for pre-destened punk to emerge plus it has the songs Baba O'Riley (Many think that its called Teenage Wastland becuase its one of the most used lyrics in the song) and Won't Get Fooled Again." "I guess your right but when did you switch from talking about super hero sex organs to early Punk Rock?" "Well theres another reason i'm here." Brodie gives Ts a pamplet out of his pocket in which it said that 'The Who play at the mall in Leonardo Jersey' in big letters. "Cool when is it?" "Tonight so thats pretty much why people are still here Ts come on theres almost nothing here." "Then why do you think you can get that Tickle Me Mooby?" "Well Ts I know a guy whos been saving one for me so could you stay here while I get it." "Why can't I come?" "I don't know ask a docter. Man Brandi has it bad with you as a husband." "Brodie I mean whats the beef." "The guy told me he'd only give it to me if i was alone." And so with Ts under standing this Brodie goes off to the toy store while Ts waits.  
  
At the toy store Brodie goes to see this guy who's suppose to give him the Tickle Me Mooby. "Yo I have the money now give me the Mooby." "Brodie you were a day late." "No I wasn't you said the 18th." "No I said the 17th." "What the fuck does that mean!?" "It means I sold it." "You bastard!" He then tries to fight the guy but is then kicked out by guys who work at the Toy Store. "Man you guys must exercise alot. Fuck!" Frustrated he goes to see Ts.  
  
Mean while Ts is sitting he sees a familar face. "Holy shit its Mr. Svenings." For a while Svenings dosen't notice while he's drinking some cofee with some important people but then when he sees Ts he spits out his cofee and says: "Excuse me gentlmen I have to talk with my son in law." He (Svenings) gets up to Ts and says: "Hello Ts have you noticed The Who are going to play tonight." Ts nods. "Good well I organized it, so don't you or/and your sidekick mess it up. You see i've had to rebuild what you distroyed. You understand?" As Ts nods Brodie comes back and Svenings says: "Diseased chocolate pretzel boy." Then Svenning pukes into the nearest trash can while Ts and Brodie run off.   
  
We see them (Ts and Brodie) walk up to Jay and Silent Bob doing there normal (More like what they perfer normal) dance. Then Jay goes up to Ts and says: "Well if it isn't the mad phat chick killer." "Why do you always say that when I come to the mall." As Ts says this Jay replies. "I don't fucking know I just do." Then Brodie comes in and interups. "Well uh I know its been a while but Jay you know the whole thing about The Who?" "Yeah." "Well get us back stage." Then Ts says: "Jay do any thing I could buy my wife. Oh yeah no pot." "That's fucking easy I have this crystal braclet that I was gonna give my Ex joyce but we broke up. So ok." "How much for both the concert and the Braclet..." Then Silent Bob gives Jay a coculater. "Three grand." "Its a deal." Then the two (Ts and Brodie) give Jay and Silent Bob the money. The Brodie says: "Ok men you get the gift and the entrance back stage for The Who." "No shit." As Jay says this Ts and Brodie go off to some place while they wait.  
  
On there way waiting and hanging out Ts asks: "Why do you like The Who?" "My parents, you know there like obssesed with the band big events happened in theres and mine. My father went down on my mother for the first time listening to My Generation then was caught by my matrunal grand parents, I came out of the whome listening to Baba O'riley and I met Rene at a Who convention day at high school." "I'm sorry did I touch a nerve." "No, I think it was my fault anyway I pushed her a side I only saw her during the shooting of Tonight Show and she did the same except I didn't work latter on the tonight Show peroid. I was a fucking ass hole but she could be the bitch some times and thats why we were a great couple. But then I sank into Comic books and The Who." Then they go on walking to waste time.  
  
Then they saw him Shannen selling suits in verry cheap version of Fashionable Male (I mean it looks like they were selling homless peoples cloths) and so Brodie goes in. "Hello sir wait your that Bruce fella." "Really well Jethro could you speak any more like white trash?" "Please stop it security!." Then Shannen get down and is laying like a baby crying. Then Kev apears with his assistant. "I'm Kev Mckick and this is my assistant Gabe Hicks (Obviously by Brian O'Hallorean) whats the... Oh Ts and Brodie ha ha." And so they take the two (Ts and Brodie to the room were they keep all the shop lifters and stuff.  
  
Mean while Wllam is taking money when he sees the girl who he wants to go out with kissing the Santa and he goes beserk. "Damn you mall SANTA!" Then Willam goes for the guy beating him up then jay and Silent Bob come and see it. "Hey Silent Bob whats going on?" "Santa versuses Santa?" "Thats cool Silent Bob. Hey Santa kick Santa's ass!" As jay say this he dives in hiting the mall Santa while helping Willam and then all the kids in line start to join in. "The horror, the horror." As Silent Bob says this we jet back to Mr.Svenning who is talking to those important guys.  
  
"Well Svenning I hope that this dosen't get to happen like that truth or date shit." "I dought there will be no mess ups." "Thats what you said before anyway how did you get The Who anyway." We then see Mr.Svenning's thoghts. What the hell do I say. I can't tell the truth. Which is that I told The Who this is a charity concert. Wait I know what to say. As the important guys get impatient Svennings says: "I was a roadie." "Really you kind of don't look one that would be a roadie well it does explaine things." And so with Svenning doops the important guys we see Jay and Silent Bob talking.  
  
"Man that fight was awsome Wlillam would have lost if i wasn't repesenting. Anyway we have to that stuff for Ts and Brodie." They then see Shannen shivering. "Hey isn't it that ass raming new kids on the block reject." Then Jay goes up to him. "Why the fuck are you like this?" "Brodie made fun of me and he was takin of to the place were they have law biters in this mall with Ts." "You hear that Silent Bob we have save Ts and Brodie. Ok now Silent Bob I go to the guards at the concert, you get the dinamic duo (he is refering to Ts and Brodie) and I all ready have that crystal braclet." Then the two go off to do there duty while Ts and Brodie are talking to the security guards in that place.  
  
"You know what you seem familair Gabe wait do have any realitives named Gill?" "Yes he is my cousin and you made fun of him on that game show." "Yeah they homosexual homofob." "You also called him rush Limba." "Oh yeah well I put that behind me." "Well guees what my cousin has been in therapy since then." "Cool so you want to thank me." Then Gabe slaps Brodie and Kev comes in. "Hey we just wait till these little shits don't need to be here." As he says this Gabe leans up near the door to the room while Silent Bob is tring to open it (The door).  
  
Silent Bob finaly opens the door and hit Kev in the nose. "Ow you bastard!" As this happens Silent Bob and Kev fight each other with pipes in a way that is simalair to a light saber fight. Then when it seems that neither can provail (there pipe to pipe) Kev says: "I am your father." Then for a sec Silent Bob looks puzzled but then kicks Kev in the crouch while Kev says: "Not again." Then the three (Silent Bob, Ts and Brodie) go to back stage of the concert and see that jay got the Back stage guards high to get there.  
  
"Yo Jay anything new?" As Brodie asks this Jay says: "Yeah one of these guys told me that Svenning lied to the Who and that only he and Svenning knew." Then Ts cuts in and asks: "Do you have the crystal braclet?" "Yeah, here." As Jay gives Ts the braclet Brodie goes off to the Who's dressing room.  
  
While running to the the dressing room he bumps into Pete Townshend. Brodie is in shock and can't. "Hello sir whats wrong, HELLO!" "One Mr.Townshend." "Ok well are ya for Mr.Svenning or something?" "No theres something I have to tell you." Then Brodie explains everything and Pete tells Brodie that he was the one who bought the Tickle me Moobey for the charity concert. "Well you could give it to me." "Brodie do you still play whith toys?" "No i'm suppose to get it for my neice." "Oh ok." Pete gives Brodie the toy and says: "Hey you look famillar." "Well I hosted the Tonight Show for a while." "Oh yeah I only got to see it several times but your good. Didn't they fire you?" "Yep." "Why?" "Becuase they said i cursed too much and they hired my ex-girlfriend." "Brodie do you really like her?" "Yeah but she took my job." "If my wife had a band and out did the Who i'd be proud." "Really?" "Yes and i'd just do a couple more solo albums." "So your saying that I should do something besides the Tonight Show?" "Yes, well I better tell me band mates see ya."   
  
In several hours the Who started playing with Ts and Brodie on stage with the Who. They explaine everything to the croud but the Who still play MY Generation, Behind Blue Eyes and Won't get fooled agian. The important guys get pissed and tell Sevnning that he won't work in this town again.  
  
We see the same part of the mall while Brodie raps things up. "Well thats it except that theres a few things like Brandi really like the braclet, the two (Ts and Brandi) will have a child soon and Ts took Svenning's Job at the sation. Willam did get to go out with that chick for 2 weeks but then got into a relationship with Pamela Anderson. Svenning has to live in Ts and Brandi's basement. Shannen got normal and actualy found out hes gay. Kev got fired and Gabe became head security guard. I started working stand up, got sucessful and met George Carlin and is now one of my best friends and I mended things with Rene so good we got married on the Tonight Show. Oh yeah my neice wantted a furby by the time of xmass and I got fried by my sister but then told her about our cousin Walt. I have no idea what happened to Jay and Silent Bob. Any way thats it so bye." As Brodie says this we go to the ending credits.   
  
  



End file.
